


like always

by BYUNNlE



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Disbandment, Enemies to Lovers, Feelings Realization, Happy Ending, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, i miss them so much, im so sorry, it's sad but cute i promise, yocat endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:13:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25816345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BYUNNlE/pseuds/BYUNNlE
Summary: it was all falling apart right before yohan's eyes and there was only one person who could make it better.
Relationships: Kim Wooseok | Wooshin/Kim Yohan
Kudos: 7





	like always

**Author's Note:**

> well..hi!!  
> actually, i have no excuse for this one, i just finished rewatching produce and it hit me how much i miss them so i decided to write about it and as a result, i made myself even sadder in the end:)  
> please go easy on me if there are any typos (most likely) because a) english is not my first language b) it's 5 am and im sleep deprived  
> hope you liked it even the slightest bit !!  
> and also oh, i suck at summaries, please dont get discouraged

In all honesty,no one of them saw it coming. After all, it was all going so well, better than anybody had hoped it would. Their debut turned out to be a huge success and they were doing truly amazing, winning award after award, breaking records and attracting more fans everyday. Such a promising start only made them want more, they were determined to work even harder and show off the best of them in the near future. Unfortunately, they weren’t given a chance. 

When, on one completely ordinary day, they suddenly got all called to go to their company building, they didn’t really give it any thought. Yohan still remembers how Dongpyo was excitedly jumping around their dorm, thinking that maybe the managment wanted to announce they would have a comeback soon. Oh, how he wishes he was right. 

He could tell that something was off from the first moment they entered the conference room. First off all, all of the executives were there and that fact alone was odd, to say the least. And it didn’t really help that all of them looked terribly grim and upset, most of them not even making an eye contact with them, instead just staring emptily at some random spots around them. 

Yohan’s heart tightened at that sight, somehow he didn’t have good feelings about it. He looked at Seungyoun who stood next to him and his heart only started to bit faster when he noticed that nervous look on his hyung’s face. He doesn’t think he will ever be able to forget it. 

Three minutes. It was all it took to make Yohan’s dreams crumble right before him, to ruin everything he had been working on for many, many years, to end every single hope he devoted his whole being to. 

When he heard the word ‘disbandment’ coming out of the ceo’s mouth, he froze, completely doumbfounded, praying to God that he had misheard him. Because why? Why would they do it to them after all they went through? When they had such promising, bright future waiting for them? 

He might have made the biggest mistake of his life back then which he probably will never not regret. His eyes found Wooseok, like they would always do and, if his heart wasn’t completely shattered after what he had just heard, it sure as hell was that exact moment. Wooseok looked so broken, so hurt and vulnerable and that’s what finally ruined him, causing him to tear up. 

Never in his life had he known that it was possible to feel pain on so many levels. 

* 

A week passed since then and, safe to say, those were the worst seven days he experienced in his life. None of it seemed real, he felt as if he was stuck in some horrible lucid dream he couldn’t escape from. He just couldn’t accept that it was all over like that, gone, left in the past. 

The day the eleven of them had to move out of their dorm was, undoubtedly, the saddest day Yohan had to go through in his entire 21 years of living. He cried like a baby hugging Hyeongjun close to his chest, all of them sobbed their souls out not even bothering to hold themselves together. Seungwoo, as the best leader he is, tried his hardest to stay strong and collected for his members but even he failed, finally breaking down and letting his emotions take over him. 

Saying goodbye hurt like hell. It was pure torture, suffering at its finest. He didn’t want to go. Didn’t want to say goodbye to them, to part their ways. He refused to believe it was actually happening, he felt dizzy and weak like never before. 

Unsurprisingly, it was Wooseok who broke him completely. All this time he tried his best not to look at him, remembering all to well what happened the last time he did so. He really didn’t think he could take seeing his face at that moment, not like that. But the universe really seemed to hate him recently because as he turned to check where the older one was, he caught him already looking at him with his beautiful, teary eyes. Yohan wanted the earth to swallow him alive back then and there. 

It was going just fine, as fine as it only could. With every goodbye he said, with every last hug he gave to yet another one of his friends it hurt a little more but it was okay, he could take it. 

They decided to take turns leaving because, according to Hangyul’s suggestion, it was supposed to make it a bit easier, but in Yohan’s opinion, it had quite the opposite effect. Especially when Junho said they should go in the order they first were called to join the team. ‘It would feel like a closure, ending things the way they started’, he reasoned but hecouldn’t really hear the rest of it because he burst into tears once again. He knew too damn well what was coming. 

They did it. Was it easier? Hell no. By the time Dongpyo was the one to go, choking on his own tears in Seungwoo’s arms, Yohan thought that he won’t make it out alive. 

When Seungyoun was rocking him left and right in a bone-crushing hug, whispering soothing words in his ear despite tears streaming down his face, he believed that he finally understood what it meant to have a broken heart. 

Upon Seungwoo’s departure he felt dead inside. 

His eyes were swollen, his head was thrumming and he couldn’t calm down. The realisation that he was left alone with only Wooseok didn’t exactly help either. If it was in any different scenario, he would have been head over heels to have a moment of privacy with his.....right, who was the older to him? That was the question Yohan was dying to know the answer to himself. 

They had so much history with each other, and Yohan treasured all of it, even the bad parts. And they used to have a lot of them. Since the very beggining, they were portrayed as the two strongest trainees, people were seeing them as enemies and assumed they hated each other. 

Sometimes, Yohan thought it would have been easier that way. But, of course, he had to catch feelings for his biggest rival and possible future meber because he was predictable like that. 

He really didn’t think he stood a single chance with Wooseok and he didn’t want to let himself hope. So, he turned to one thing he was the best at. He tried to mute his feelings by throwning himself into the whirl of endless training. It helped, at first. Or so he believed. Because soon after, he wasn’t able to focus at anything other than that. He wouldn’t sleep, eat or spend time with other trainees, even his closest friends. They were worrying sick, Seungwoo tried to step in at least ten times but he never succeded. Yohan couldn’t stop if he wanted to keep going. 

Looking at it after some time, Yohan supposes he would’ve trained himself to death, if it wasn’t for that one night. It was past 2 am and yet again, he was the only one left in the studio. He was about to practice the choreo for god knows which time, when the door suddenly burst open, revealing very tired and very furious Wooseok. 

It all happened in fast motion from then. Yohan had never seen Wooseok so angry before, hysterical even. He kept on yelling how irresponsible Yohan was, that he was seriously hurting himself and that he needed to stop. 

‘Oh yeah? And why do you care?’, Yohan raised his eyebrow, not really understanding his anger.. It was his life after all, what would Wooseok, of all people, have a problem with that? 

He could never be prepared for the answer he received. 

Wooseok looked him in the eyes and he felt shiver running down his spine. There was something in his eyes he had never seen before. 

‘Because I like you, you idiot’, Wooseok stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world and the younger’s heart started to beat faster in his chest. Was it really happening or it was just his tired brain torturing him? 

‘You...you like me?’. He choked out, still wrapping his head around it. He couldn’t believe that Wooseok, that Wooseok, that perfect Kim Wooseok could have feelings for him. That he could like him back. 

He didn’t even notice when the older moved from his place but seconds after, he was standing right in front of Yohan, the closest he has ever been. Yohan was ready to pass out then and there. 

‘Yes Yohan. I like you. I like you so much it pains me. I know that you don’t like me back but-’, Wooseok wasn’t given the chance to finish his sentence, because suddenly, there were lips on his, kissing him gently. Before he realised what was happening, the feeling was gone and he was met with Yohan’s beautiful smile. God, how he had missed that sight. 

‘That’s good hyung. Because I really, really like you to’ 

* 

Yohan was brought back to reality when he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his waist. His breath hitched and he couldn’t resist to lean back into the familiar warmth. He could use a moment of comfort in that mentally draining time after all. 

They stayed like that for couple of minutes, running on borrowed time. Yohan didn’t want to go, he wanted to spend the life being hugged by Wooseok. If it was only possible. He couldn’t help but wonder, what that meant for them? Even though they confessed to each other, they weren’t together. Why? Well, Yohan didn’t know. He kind of expected it to happen, but it never did. Wooseok would never touch that subject, avoiding it as if it physically pained him. And Yohan didn’t want to push his luck. He was already happy with what he got. 

He and Wooseok was closer than ever before. He was privileged enough to see his beautiful smile everyday and even be the cause of it at times. Wooseok would hold him and sing him tom sleep when he felt especially anxious and uneasy, he was always there for him, assuring Yohan that he was talented, valid and loved. The younger’s heart would swell with love at that. Just the way it would when he woke up with Wooseok cuddled to his side, snoring quietly, face relaxed and breath steady. Or when Wooseok would kiss him, gently, as everything he did, whispering praises and comforting words to Yohan’s lips between every peck. 

Yohan loved him. He was head over heels for him. And he wanted Wooseok to tell him just the same thing. 

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he finally felt bold enough to turn in Wooseok’s arms. As he did so, the older smiled at him prettily, despite his red and swollen eyes. 

‘Hey, baby’, he whispered, playing with Yohan’s heart even more. 

Yohan couldn’t take it anymore. He thought that he didn’t have any tears left but as it turned out, he was wrong. 

‘I don’t want you to go. I want to stay with you.’, he sobbed into Wooseok’s neck, not bothered that he was wetting his hoodie. 

He felt Wooseok stiffen at that. ‘I know Yohan-ah. I do too, believe me. But I will see you really, really soon, yes? I will never leave you’, he murmured in his ear, hugging him even tighter as Yohan cried some more. 

* 

Three days had passed since that day and well, Yohan felt like shit. He could count the times he left his bed on one hand, not really feeling like doing anything. He missed them. Missed them like crazy. He wasn’t even able to sleep in his own apartment, because it was too silent, without Minhee’s high pitched laugh and Dohyon’s screams. He was afraid that he would go crazy if he continued to live like that. 

To make matters even worse, he didn’t really hear from Wooseok after parting their ways at the dorms. They exchanged maybe like, five texts in total? And they were all very vague. Yohan was afraid that that was it. That their...whatever that was they had was too weak too survive. His brain tried to play him, like always, wanting to convince him that Wooseok didn’t really like him, that he only wanted to have some fun with him when he was around and now he didn’t need him anymore. He was doing everything in his power to ignore that voice but he was so afraid it could be the case. It hurt him like hell to even think about it. Wooseok would never do that to him, would he? 

He was almost ready to hide his pride and call him when he heard someone knocking at his door. He groaned and rolled around, not happy that he had to get up. It was probably his mother wanting to check on him or one of his sisters so he supposed he had to open if he didn’t want to get an earful. 

Hovewer, he wasn’r right. Because there was Wooseok, his beautiful Wooseok standing on his doorstep, looking like he was about to cry. Yohan was a goner already. 

‘Yohan, I’m so sorry. I acted like a dick, I’m sorry if you think I played you or that I wasn’t interested or anything, because I was...I am.I just...don’t know, I’m a coward, I was afraid I guess. I didn’t want ot hurt you but now I know that I hurt you even more. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Hanie, I love you so much, please forgive me’, Wooseok said it all at one breath and Yohan felt his stupid heart fasten its pace. Did he hear that right? 

‘You...you love me?’, he muttered in disbelief. Was it even possible? 

Instead of words, Wooseok decided to show him in different way. He steppped closer, wrapped his arms around Yohan’s waist and kissed him. It started of slow and gentle, just a press of lips but then Wooseok slipped his tongue inside the younger’s mouth and started to explore, causing him to let out a sudden moan of surprise. Hovewer, he pulled away before it got to heated, looking at panting Yohan with the biggest smile. 

‘I love you’, he repeated, drawing random circles on Yohan’s hips, avoiding his eyes, as if he was scared of the response he would get. 

‘I love you too. You have no idea how much’, Yohan whispered before diving for yet another kiss. 

Maybe, just maybe, he was meant to be happy after all?

**Author's Note:**

> COME YELL AT ME IN THE COMMENTS


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